What the Cool Sasquatches Will Be Watching On TV This Summer

by Kilgore Trout
Staff Writer

June 2, 2010

Summer has finally sprung, and while this is generally considered great news, it also means a lot of re-runs and reality shows for those die hard television viewers. However, this summer may just have a few reality shows that are worth staying in for... especially for those music fans out there.

Making its debut on Thursday at 9 pm on A & E is "I Hope Neil Young Will Remember". It's a reality show that follows rocker Neil Young and documents his descent into dementia. From sunrise to last call, we get an up-close and personal view of the Grandfather of Grunge as he struggles to remember where he left his car keys. The first episode features Neil attempting to order a pizza from Graham Nash. And we all thought David Crosby was the biggest train wreck from the CSNY quartet.

Wednesday nights at 8 pm Spike TV will air "Born to Run". Think "Spinal Tap" meets "The Running Man". Reclusive Rocker Bruce Springsteen hosts this show that pits aging rockers against rabid fans in a post-apocalyptic styled game zone. The object of the game is for the rocker to elude a group of fans and cross the game zone to reach safety. Edgar Winter, Ted Nugent, Pete Frampton and the lead singer of the J. Giles Band...no, not J. Giles... have already signed up for an appearance. If the fans catch the rocker they win a cash prize as well as whatever clothing they can tear from their prey. Note, this is a no holds barred competition, so if you want to see Peter Tork swing a crow bar into the skull of an aged hippie, then this show is for you.

The Travel Channel gets into the act on Tuesday nights at 9 pm with "Roll Over, Beethoven". This show follows decrepit legend, Little Richard around the globe as he searches for his inevitable eternal resting place. Follow Little Richard from Memphis, Tennessee to Memphis, Egypt as he visits some of the most beautiful vistas from around the world for the perfect grave. The octogenarian battles dysentery, customs agents, a swollen prostate, and bad hair days as he searches for the site of his burial. Adding to the drama, the show is shot week to week so what the viewer is watching has occurred in the last week, which means that there is the real possibility that Little Richard will die on camera. And if he does, he will be buried wherever he drops, (it's written into his contract).

Of particular interest to citizens of Cooper will be VH1's "Battle of the Bands". This show follows around five small time bands hoping to make it big. The bands compete in various competitions as they play dive bars and county fairs across the country. One band is eliminated every other episode, and the last band standing wins a record contract, (yes, the idea of a record contract has gone the way of the dinosaur, but so has the idea of VH1 showing actual music related programming). The reason "Battle of the Bands" is a must see for Cooperian and Sasquatch alike is that a local band, "Space Monkey", is featured on the show. "Space Monkey", fronted by Sasquatch Pan Elvis, is a sort of grunge Billy Joel cover band, with some original material. The "Monkey" got their start playing at the Big Foot Bar in downtown Cooper, and now they'll be playing for the whole world... at least those with basic cable... and nothing better to do on a Saturday night in the summer... and can sit through 60 minutes of amateurs playing music to an audience of drunken hicks.

So there you have it. Who needs writers, or actors, or even a plot? This summer let us turn our attention to the ghosts of Rock past, present, and future. You could do a lot worse... well, a little worse... oh hell, just rock on!